Please do not quote my posts on this threadWhen should one stop trying⁉️
When things are not ever going to really get better but one is still alive but death is always on their mind and the sense of impending doom is not emotional but pure logic of knowing time will run rapidly by and no matter how much one heals they will eventually disintegrate physically and even mentally lose themselves more each day and suffer pain and paralyzing immobility and the chances of being in a wonderful future and feeling great is just not ever going to happen.
My grandfather once told me that one can live too long.
Was he right⁉️
Yes they seem to be curing my cancers but at great injury to other aspects of my life and body.
There has not been a day in over 4 years that the thought and sense of dying has not gripped my mind for at least a few hours or more each day and night and in the past two years death thoughts have been plaguing my mind and the stress on my body and mind hours and even up to entire days and nights.
I cannot even have sexual intercourse. All my parts for doing so are no longer. Yes cancer took it all away and surgery finished the process. There is no fixing that.
My body hurts to be touched due to neuralogias
so that even the gentlest hug or lightest touch and even the pressure of my clothing or any furniture causes pain. Often nigh unto unbearable pain. Heavy pain meds do not help usually. I miss simple human touch. I miss walking. I miss my eyesight. I hate being super impoverished. I hate not being able to bathe and shower and needing help to dress myself and more.
Today is Thanksgiving Day and except for a few things to still be thankful for there are thousands of things to not be thankful for and countless things and abilities forever lost to me.
No I am not going to go all suicidal.
I just hate not knowing how much more time I have and if it will continue to keep getting worse and then I die nevertheless no matter what I do or do not do.
I wish I were younger again like 50 would be wonderful and not so physically wrecked and impoverished.
On that note am utterly exhausted even though mostly bed bound.
Sleep is even painful and nothing can help with that.
I doubt anyone here can help so just hear me and wish me some good luck.
There really is no advice that would help me.
Just have to keep on keeping on every moment and see what happens next.
Love and blessings to you all and value your health and the good things in your life.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
PS.
Hoping that when these new chemotherapy
gene therapy intrveinous infusions are finished in May 2024 that my body and life might get better.
I shall wait and see and not give up just yet.
Just so damn exhausted mentally and physically.
This quote is a great comfort to me and has gotten me through many a suicidal time past.
quote:
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”
― Nietzsche
Pardon any strange autocorrects and typos please.------------------
Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography
Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
♥ LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
A room without books
is like a body without a soul.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero,
statesman, orator, writer
(106-43 BCE)
📚📖